The Separation/Divorce Resource Center helps individuals, couples and families make positive life choices based on their understanding of themselves in relationships. Everyone has a choice to love unconsciously (recycle issues, distance, unhappiness, withholding, projecting, and withdrawing) or consciously (acceptance, happiness, wholeness, closeness, intimacy, and aliveness). The SDRC gives you the tools to break the cycle of continuous negative patterns and to build solid relationships. Diane Valiquette, founder and owner of the Separation/Divorce Resource Centre, offers hope and sanity to families that are facing challenges in relationships that are not working. She has developed a 12 week relationship rebuilding seminar incorporating the divorce recovery model in the book “Rebuilding when a Relationship ends” by Bruce Fisher.
Whether you are with a partner or separating/divorcing, this course is about understanding yourself in relationships. At the end of this course you will develop an awareness of yourself, be given the tools you need to analyze and understand the choices you made to bring you to this painful time in your life. Using these tools, you will be able to make better choices in your future relationships, for yourself and with others.
Are you hurting? If you have recently ended a love relationship, you are. Those who appear not to hurt when their love relationships end have either already worked through a lot of hurt, or have yet to feel the pain. So go ahead, acknowledge that you’re hurt. It’s natural, expected, healthy, and even okay to hurt. Pain is nature’s way of telling us that something in us needs to be healed, so let’s get on with the healing.
There’s an adjustment process after a divorce — with a beginning, an end, and specific steps of learning along the way. While you’re feeling some of the pain, you’re more anxious to learn how to be healed. If you’re like most of us, you probably have had some destructive patterns of behavior for years — maybe since your childhood. Change is hard work. While you were in a love relationship you might have been comfortable enough that you felt no need to change. But now there is that pain. What do you do? Well, you can use the pain as motivation to learn and to grow.
The steps of the adjustment process are arranged into a pyramid of “Rebuilding Blocks” to symbolize a mountain. Rebuilding means climbing that mountain, and for most of us it’s a difficult journey. Let us assure you that the climb is worth it! The rewards at the top make the tough climb worthwhile.
How long will it take to climb the mountain? Studies indicate that on the average it takes about a year to get up above the tree line (past the really painful, negative stages of the climb), longer to reach the top. Some will make it in less time, others in more. Some research suggests that a few in our climbing party will need as long as three to five years. Don’t let that discourage you. Finishing the climb is what counts, not how long it takes. Just remember to climb at your own rate, and don’t get rattled if some pass you along the way. Like life itself, the process of climbing and growing is the source of your greatest benefits!
The rebuilding blocks are a guide and a map prepared by others who have already traveled the trail. As you climb, you’ll discover that tremendous personal growth is possible, despite the emotional trauma you’ve experienced from the ending of your love relationship. Beginning at the bottom, we find denial and fear, two painful stumbling blocks that come early in the process of adjustment. They can be overwhelming feelings, and may make you reluctant to begin the climb. “As we learn about who we are, how we feel and what we want, AND we are willing to communicate that openly, our relationships easily become harmonious.” Diane Valiquette